The Lab

While the equestrian community has been distracted with front page headlines, another dark problem has surfaced to test the tepid waters within the USEF.

The Lab.

I admit I was super excited to see the lawsuit from Dr. Cornelius Uboh to the USEF. He was requesting a jury trial and it appeared it was either a very good tactic to get attention, or there really was a case for a jury to consider, and jury trials are inherently more financially draining, so what a chance to severely impact the Federation. Dr Uboh used the press to further the mystery by announcing his intent to sue and it was pretty widely publicized.

Dr. Cornelius Uboh was hired by USEF in the midst of the Glefke/Farmer case, which gripped the country for months, and thrown into a debacle of monumental proportions. He came from Pennsylvania where he was the director for the Pennsylvania Equine Toxicology and Research Laboratory. In 2014, he was fired from PETRL for reasons unknown.

If I have to refresh your memory, in 2016, USEF attempted to capture who they thought was an alleged ‘cheater’ in the hunter world by finding a positive GABA result with some random horse competing in Kentucky under the training of Larry Glefke and ridden by Kelley Farmer. Murray Kessler issued a proud statement that went to everyone’s email inbox (who was at the time a member of the USEF), including Larry and Kelley. The country became split in half trying to guess the details of the situation,  watching as the couple vehemently denied the use of GABA and denied ever hearing about the charges. They lawyered up with a highly proficient team, and we all witnessed history as the case essentially ‘brought the house down’.

lab photo 3

Larry and Kelley were cleared of any wrongdoing, and the leaders of the USEF had to apologize to the members, and admit things didn’t exactly add up. The case was pretty sensational, right?


According to court documents, Dr. Uboh did not want the B Sample tested at the same lab the A sample was tested, but insisted on retaining a completely independent lab with International approvals and on par standards. Remember, he was hired following the actual urine and blood collection of the Glefke horse. However, as we all know, Glefke and Farmer insisted on having the B sample tested in the same lab, and someone told Uboh to sit down and shut it, and the greatest debacle of all time unfolded in front of everybody’s eyes in stunning fashion.

Well, of course, someone had to take the fall. Initially, my money was on Stephen Schumacher, who I felt was capable of spinning fabulous tales and leading people away from the truth, especially when I sat down with him for an hour during an annual convention in Kentucky. I wanted honest answers for members, but he managed to muddy the waters even further by redirecting the conversation away from GABA and the Glefke/Farmer case, and refusing to be recorded in any kind of interview. However, leadership decided to head down another path, and accuse Dr. Uboh (who had probably never heard of Larry Glefke or Kelley Farmer) of all sorts of horrible offenses during the handling of the B sample.

What we eventually witnessed instead was the complete destruction of the current USEF laboratory and the start of a new ‘relationship’ with University of Kentucky.

The Lexington Herald published this :

So, of course, I was disappointed to see the settlement. The whole case was bizarre to begin with, in my opinion, with motions to remand to federal court so Dr. Uboh could utilize a “citizenship tactic” (denied), constant denial of all allegations for the defense (really?) and even a point when it was looking like USEF was insinuating the former lab director was lying in the lawsuit, based on previous statements taken months earlier for the hearing (yikes).

lab photo 1

Little has been published about the outcome of Dr. Cornelius Uboh at USEF, and just try to get him on the phone, or track him down by email, to get a response. I tried, and ended up nowhere. I mean, I have questions. How do you go from requesting a jury trial to a settlement that quickly? It was like, maybe 6 months? Are you happy with your compensation during your time at USEF? Did they offer anything in the settlement?? i know, i know, none of my business..

The interim lab director Dr. Rui Yu took over for Dr. Uboh in February of last year, 2018. He had only started working in the lab as a scientist in October of 2017, so had only four months to get acclimated. Meanwhile,  negotiations were starting with University of Kentucky and ideas tossed around about how to solve the outsourcing of drug testing for the USEF. In fact, Tom O’Mara headed a task force to explore all of the options. University of Kentucky would eventually purchase the USEF lab and continue drug testing under Dr. Scott Stanley, who comes from a previous teaching position in California, at UC Davis. Meanwhile, no one gave the interim lab director much thought, especially the membership. Why would they? New protocols were set in place, people started paying more attention to drug testing, and improvements were being  made. Testers actually started the use of gloves in the collection of urine and blood. ( i know right? impressive)

So, why would Dr. Rui Yu suddenly send out this letter this week?


To Whom It May Concern,


This letter is to inform that the signatory, Dr. Rui Yu, would like to officially suspend and withdraw all the signatures that were signed during the period of February 1, 2018 to July 9, 2019 (before the lab was sold to University of Kentucky), which includes but not limited to any data reports, show reports, testing reports, positive packets, affidavits, etc. related to US Equestrian Federation USEF and all other outside organizations including FEI, AQHA, NRHA, WPRA, AERC, etc.

Most importantly, the purpose of the suspension and withdrawal is to protect and help everyone including USEF, other outside organizations, the signatory, and former USEF laboratory employees (now UK employees), also be fair to horsemen and competitors, as well as providing fair competitions and testing results. The reasons include potential violation of A2LA accreditation (ISO 17025) as well as other serious flaws. USEF refused to admit that their CEO (William Moroney) assigned and authorized Dr. Rui Yu (LC-MS Scientist) as the Interim Laboratory Director to perform majority of the lab director’s job duties and be responsible for all signatures, regardless what the confidence level was and right after the former Laboratory Director was fired on Feb 1, 2018. USEF’s action seriously compromised the whole laboratory accreditation and assumed that no one in the laboratory was in charge and performed decision-making and management for more than 16 months. USEF also questioned Dr. Rui Yu’s qualification and experience to perform the Interim Laboratory Director position during the negotiation of proper compensation (USEF paid zero), which seriously compromising the validity of any documents that Dr. Rui Yu signed during that period.

 All the administrative officers (from USEF and other outside organizations) must hold or revoke all related proceedings and cases due to this suspension and withdrawal. And the administrative officers are responsible to inform your members and competitors. The suspension and withdrawal will not be revoked by the signatory Dr. Rui Yu until the end of investigation on USEF by EEOC, HRC, or legal measures.

This notice of the suspension/withdrawal are effective from August 19, 2019, and will also be forwarded to other organizations and to Whom It May Concern.

 USEF broke promise to compensate Dr. Rui Yu for over the 16-month additional Interim Lab Director job, and further retaliated (suspension and elimination) Dr. Rui Yu like flipping hands. UK may also participate in the under-the-table deal with USEF and removed Dr. Rui Yu’s position and job application after the USEF laboratory was sold to UK. No honest person or company with dignity and respect would keep doing evil and wrong things over and over and over again. Therefore, be careful doing business with such persons or companies in the future.


Best regards,

Rui Yu, Ph.D.

Former LC-MS Scientist

Former Interim Laboratory Director (assigned and retaliated but not admitted or even paid by USEF although USEF CEO and General Counsel promised to do so)

Former USEF Equine Drug Testing and Research Laboratory— 


Is he mad? What does this even mean? Is this an incredible coincidence or just another disgruntled employee? I mean, to me, it sounds like a bad song being played on repeat, but it is disturbing on many levels. Additionally, his actions would threaten the validity of hundreds of positive drug tests over the last 16 months. Can that happen? Or, maybe there is a way around dissolving 16 months worth of work so a few hundred lawsuits could be avoided. I have no idea. But that email went to the FEI, NRHA, WPRA and the USOPC, so he is clearly trying to raise a red flag here.

And did they really not pay him?? Come. On. WTF.

Sure, maybe he is a little sore because he wasn’t brought on to the current UK lab, but retaliation like this means he is deeply disturbed about what happens in house at USEF. “No honest person or company would keep doing evil and wrong things over and over and over again”

Do you think he watched what happened with Dr.Cornelius Uboh, and thought “my God, that better not happen to me!” And then it did, and he was like AAAAAGH!

I think we have a lot to be worried about with our equestrian Federation, or maybe it is just me. Like, are we going to assume every time something goes wrong with a drug violation the lab director is going to take the fall? Guinness Book of World records for Lab Directors, ha.

I wish Dr. Scott Stanley the best of luck then, but I hope he is watching his back.


quick, quick, sigh…

You know when your favorite app updates and you are like oh no, I was just getting used to the old version, and it takes three months to get used to the changes and it updates again? Welcome to Safe Sport.

At least I feel that way about Safe Sport. I grumbled in the very beginning a few years ago because it was handled poorly by our equestrian federation, never explained properly, shoved down our throats like we were the problem, but eventually look what happened! We all grew used to the change, took the training, and it is in our lives whether we like it or not.

I actually became tired of hearing about it once I started to accept it, and over the years preferred to tune the dreary subject out of my otherwise occupied mind. I felt like I ‘adulted’ by taking the training without complaint, and patted myself on the back for my maturity. No offense to victims, but since no information about cases is ever privy to the regular people, do we have to go to every town hall and annual meeting to talk about it some more?

In the background noise, I thought I heard the center for Safe Sport make an alarming amount of mistakes. It appeared there were more investigations for people retired from sport, close to retirement, or even already dead. I occasionally checked the primary list of offenders, heard countless stories of irrelevant accusations involving adults having affairs with other adults, not minors, and wondered if investigators actually knew what they are doing. I winced hard at the suicide of John Coughlin and the complete shut down of his investigation, like now you won’t investigate a dead guy? Explain, please. Oh wait, two different organizations? Ugh, who can keep it straight and why should we have to? Or is it just one organization?

And what a colossal waste of time and money to go after someone like Claire Bronfman. When is the last time she put on a pair of boots? I mean riding boots. Hooker boots are different. She was so busy wrapped up in her weird provocative cult, I highly doubt she was intending to rent stalls at WEF and rent a Grand Prix horse for the season. Like what? She doesn’t even have results on a horse since 2005.


From time to time I would see serious grumblings from people in other sport disciplines and followed the erratic behavior of the USOC and the poor performance of other governing bodies to address sexual assault from coaches and thought, well, we know one thing for sure, US Equestrian wants to separate themselves from all the other governing bodies and prove they can demand better of their members. Murray Kessler has made his agenda abundantly clear.

What isn’t always clear is, who is drawing the lines in the sand? We don’t know which requirements come from USEF and which ones are handed down from the USOC or the SS.

This paragraph out of the new Safe Sport Policies sure hit a nerve and it is prefaced with “USEF recommends the following components” so….

Prohibited electronic communication Applicable Adults with authority over minor athletes should not maintain private social media connections with unrelated minor athletes and such Applicable Adults should not accept new personal page requests on social media platforms from amateur athletes who are minors, unless the Applicable Adult has a fan page, or the contact is deemed as celebrity contact vs. regular contact. Existing social media connections on personal pages with minor athletes should be discontinued.

Once I finally had a chance to read through the four hundred paragraphs of the new SS standards, I thought well, this is very Un-American. Thoughts of a former regime came to mind pretty quick, however.

Did anyone ask junior members or minors how they felt about the new guidelines coaches are supposed to follow? If a panel of juniors said yes, this was our idea, I would respect them whole-heartedly and say ok, good job kids, if this is what you want, I delete you.

Does anyone else find it super alarming we are supposed to stifle lines of communication? Like right now?

Sure, let’s communicate less from now on, even though we just made a broad announcement for ALL victims to come forward with their #metoo grievances…. I can’t even.

Part of me is probably relieved. Now the pressure to be a mandatory reporter is completely off my shoulders, because now I am going to be encouraged to talk less to any minors who might be in real trouble. Good, I hated that burden….Give it to someone else. My hands have been washed, thank you very much. I mean really. The word ‘shortsighted’ comes to mind. Again.

Now I would like to see gender segregated restrooms, so minors can have no chance of running into the loo with me, can I make a rule change proposal for that? Juniors can have their own restroom, I don’t even care if all the adult restrooms are co-ed, since I can pee in front of anyone now.

Oh, and thanks for giving me a week to digest how my future behavior needs to follow this shitty protocol. If you had told me to start practicing this new mindset for the summer and initiate said practice in the fall I would have most likely been ok, but now I am just annoyed. You all didn’t even tell me if this was a recommendation coming from agencies above you or if it is you. I feel like we should be expecting a clarification email any day now.

Our equestrian Federation wants to have their cake and eat it too, but I am not on board with their latest sly little way to pull the rug out from horse trainers with their ‘recommended components’. Have they even thought about coaches at boarding schools?

I never used to believe there are more bad people than good, but maybe I am really just  naive. Maybe the horse world is too unbalanced with thieves, cheaters, drug offenders and molesters. Personally, I would look to a governing body president to clear up that assumption, but maybe our leader is also tuning out the complaining of the good people with an otherwise occupied mind?

Time Out

So far 2019 has been a great year! My calendar was full when it should have been weak, even in the coldest months, and planning ahead, I barely had a single day without an obligation, which excited me. Horses to ride, clinics to teach, planes to catch, road trips to take, I love being busy, I always thought it was better to be busy than be dead, right?… However, my life changed with a literal heartbeat one Sunday morning during a horse show, and all of a sudden the creeper in a black hoodie holding a scythe was hovering above me like ‘How you doin’??’

Crap. I hate that guy.

Riding a horse in a competition ring, I collapsed with no warning, desperately clutching my chest and mumbling about how weird I felt. I still had three fences left, but couldn’t get to them.

My memory of the episode has evaporated entirely, including several of the following days, probably for the best. My actual location is what saved my life. Had I been anywhere else, I would not be here today. I was competing, so EMT’s were right there on top of me, knowing exactly what to do while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. There was a defibrillator on the grounds, a grounds which truly is a second home to me. The group of friends and EMT’s stripped me of my riding clothes (boots have zippers) and tossed them in my car before the ambulance whisked me away and next thing everyone knows I am on the operating table having open heart surgery  – an aortic dissection caused by an aneurysm. Unusual for a 47 year old woman, but not unusual for someone with chronic hypertension.

I don’t know why I have hypertension, I feel like I am the least stressed person around, I don’t consume a lot of salt, (my diet is not the root of the matter,) nor do I have any of the myriad of other reasons which may cause high blood pressure, but I have it. No one has been able to explain it, my family history shows nothing remarkable, I don’t ever feel bad, so I can’t say I was dedicated to taking my medicine religiously, some days I would remember, other days I wouldn’t, because like any farm girl,  I always have a lot on my plate. I am a busy bee.

Or…. that was then…. as they say.

The first few days after the initial surgery were most painful for my family. I had lost so much oxygen, nothing was really working right. I had no memory, I talked funny, every time I opened my eyes I had to be told why I was in the hospital….four days of repetition and fear I wouldn’t return to normal. Lots of fear. The doctors tried to reassure my husband and mother that time was all I needed, but there is no way you could have believed them if you saw me. My husband admitted later just how scary it was….

From his perspective, he wasn’t prepared for what he walked into. There was an abnormal amount of chaos around me at the hospital, and the little information he had received didn’t match the visual of seeing my body change color to a sickly blue. There was too much urgency as they wheeled me off to the OR, and the words ‘mortality rate’ echoed in his head. It doesn’t matter if it was 10% or 60%, those words are NOT two you want to hear together in a sentence, especially in a hospital right before you see your wife being wheeled away for emergency surgery. My parents were there, too, my Dad remembers talking to the ambulance driver and asking him if I was awake on the way down and speaking at all, which the driver confirmed, but said it was an incoherent mess of words loosely strung together, and they had kept me breathing, so could he get back to work now, please? and thank you.

Around 5 hours later, I had made it through. Unfortunately, as I woke up, it was clear I was still fighting. I didn’t even know what I was fighting, because my brain wasn’t properly connected, but Tom had to be there to watch me fight the tubes in my mouth providing desperately needed oxygen, the mask over my nose which the nurses had requested because I was fighting what was in my mouth, and the thousands of efforts I made to sit up and get out of bed. What was I even doing? I was apparently thirsty, so I only knew to ask for water, which I couldn’t have yet, so over and over and over again, he had to tell me to wait, calm down, I could have water later, and please stop trying to sit up. It was vital I only could receive swabs of moisture around my mouth, but I didn’t understand. My mouth was so dry. The nurses would change the subject, frequently asking if I remembered his name, but my reaction time to form a single syllable was insanely long, and each ticking second which went by caused him even more anxiety. Would my brain ever connect to my mouth again? It was clear I recognized people, which was a great sign, but beyond that, speech was really challenging. I was so slow to say his name.

This fight went on for three excruciatingly long days. A raw, unconscious effort around the clock to be somewhere else, and I had no idea I was doing it. Maybe the nurses are trained and used to this sort of thing, but my family isn’t, so the struggle to do the right thing became very real. You have to adapt and trust strangers very quickly, not a trait which comes naturally to my husband, so he had to work at it, work on understanding what the strangers were telling him, and trust their words when they said I will be ok. I didn’t look ok. I mean, I really, really looked far from ok.

Thursday my brain finally woke up. I started retaining information. There were flowers in my room. There was a photograph of me with my husband, which now I realize was being used to trigger my memory. I needed help eating and remember ice chips and apple sauce. I stopped fighting. I stopped trying to sit up and get out of bed. The impact of the surgery was starting to hit me. I had to learn how to breathe again.  I thought I had to learn how to talk again. I sounded like a gangster, and my speech was slow and erratic. I could think, but not connect to my vocal cords immediately, internally freaking out when my voice took a different direction than what I was used to, worrying it might be a permanent change. I had no idea how much worse it was just the day before, because no one told me about the first four days I had missed. I didn’t ask, because I was just thankful to be alive, now that my brain was acting more like itself, so  internally I prepared myself to make adjustments, voice change or not. I kind of comprehended what happened to me, but my limited background in medical terms about the heart wasn’t providing too many answers, so I sat, waited, and stared at the walls. Relief washed over my entire family that Thursday.

couple pic

The next three days were spent trying to feed myself, drink water, manage sleep (once I was conscious I wanted no part of the moving bed – like a water bed to prevent clots), and recover. I picked up my phone, saw hundreds of messages, and put it down again. Reading was too overwhelming for me. I learned that my horses were scattered around and being taken care of by really, really amazing friends. My mother was keeping everyone updated through Facebook so I could concentrate on healing. I let her, and as the first horror past, she became creative and more upbeat with those updates. People depended on her for any kind of information, and it surprised me how much better our system worked than silence. People still talk about her updates, it is amazing.  Meanwhile, I struggled to get more comfortable. There was a huge incision down the center of my chest and holes where the tubes had been. I stared at it, but it freaked me out, so covered it back up with the  hospital gown. I did try to stay positive, but I was wishing for less pain. I started walking again, my jelly legs struggling and burning, how had they disintegrated so fast? Does muscle just evaporate? I tried to imagine a normal day of work, feeding, riding six or sixteen, cleaning stalls, filling water troughs, dragging the ring, mowing, but here I was pushing a walker down a hospital hallway, and wobbling. It hadn’t even been a week yet. Damn.

Once, even in the first week, I convinced the nurses to let my husband wheel me outside to breathe some fresh air. I lasted less than 10 minutes in the chilly temps, but it helped to feel less like a trapped rat. I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We had a plan. Physical Therapy would start after the weekend, and I would gain my strength back. I had already been in the exercise room, and couldn’t wait to get started. By Sunday, the pain was starting to fade a bit. Positivity, positivity, positivity.

And then I woke up Monday morning.

I don’t know anymore what kind of pain tolerance I have. I used to think it was quite high. Two years ago I suffered a compound fracture and my bones blew through my skin, boots, and chaps, and I didn’t even cry. I remember squeezing a hand pretty tight to get on a stretcher though. Right before that I underwent a hysterectomy and hardly took any pain medication. The following year I shattered all the bones in my foot and continued riding and walking for 24 hours before bothering to get an X-ray. I ended up in a cast for 6 weeks. Every bone was broken. I was simply annoyed. Other than those instances, hospital visits had been rare for me.

The pain that Monday morning was nothing I was prepared for. Not a single medication touched it. I couldn’t move, and it was all I could do to attempt to breathe in order to stay alive. I was terrified. Something was really wrong. Not only that I was swelling all over with fluid, and my veins had vanished. My arms were already black and blue from the week, and after several failed attempts to get a new line in, I was forced to call in a favor. I knew one person who could help me so I scrambled for my phone, praying she was working at the hospital that day. I couldn’t believe I had a connection at a hospital, but I did. I took advantage of it. Miraculously, she was there.

Despite not doing a very good job holding back the tears when I heard her voice,  I somehow explained what I needed and she instantly had an answer, and told me not to worry. The nurses on my floor were grateful, and stood back. Thirty minutes later my doorway was darkened by a very imposing but confident paramedic with a machine in tow. Relief washed over every part of me. He hooked up an ultrasound to my arm, scanned for all of 30 seconds and got a line in, explaining and chattering all the time. My vein was tapped. My swollen arms conquered.


I was sent for a cat scan, then sent back to my room to wait with my husband.

My heart surgeon at that hospital came to talk to us. He wanted to refer me to another hospital to be fixed. I could feel both eyebrows lift toward the ceiling and stay there. There was fluid rapidly collecting in my lungs, and another questionable area was presenting itself, which may indicate a leak from the initial surgery. Like a blood leak. None of which was music to our ears, so he promptly called in a favor to a colleague at University of Maryland, and we started the process of being transferred.

Apparently, being transferred from one hospital to another is one of the most complicated procedures known to man, and suddenly no one knew anything. We waited nearly 18 hours with nurses or coordinators telling us a ride would be there within the hour. My husband closed me in my room around 10 pm so I could try and attempt some sort of semblance of sleep. I managed like 3 hours. At 5:30 in the morning, the paramedics arrived to transfer me. To this day, I have no idea why it took 18 hours to go 20 minutes down the road.

Once transferred, the new staff was eager to get started with new tests. The lack of sleep, lack of information, and pain was really taking its toll on me and I was starting to unravel. My husband had to remind me rather sharply I was only here because the original surgeon had pulled a tremendous favor, and I had to respect the people around me trying to help, and I took a shallow breath and calmed down. A lot of what was happening was behind the scenes, with surgeons analyzing tests and results from labs, not one on one conversation, so I was trusting ghosts, instead of faces. I really had to dig deep for faith. Wednesday I was finally sent down to remove the fluid around my left lung… This is a process you are awake for, and it is truly terrifying, and dangerous. You can risk collapsing a lung. They make you sign special paperwork, and ask if are really sure you want to go through with the procedure. Twice.

I was escorted into a small room, sat on a bench, my back was exposed to the doctors behind me and scanned with an ultrasound. They drew an X under a rib. My arms were folded up in front of me on a table. They told me to hold my breath as they pushed a needle through my ribs to get to the fluid. I felt the needle, and wanted to pass out. Then, with a bag, they started the extraction. Over 650 ml of fluid came pouring out of my left lung, and they asked if I wanted to see it. Uh no? Just hearing it splash on the table was making me dizzy. Then it was over. I can’t say I felt an immediate improvement because I was feeling the sting of a large needle in my back, and was more or less stunned.  It wouldn’t be until the next morning I woke up and went omg! The procedure worked! I felt fantastic for the first time in days! My spirits were lifting! I could breathe again!

The morning rounds started, doctors appeared to relay to me that my right lung also had fluid in it, so maybe I should return to the same unit to address it. I wasn’t excited. However, I had to go down there. This time, it was a different set of specialists, and they seemed less enthusiastic about the procedure. There was remarkably less fluid showing up on the ultrasound, so they gave me a chance to really ask a lot of questions. Would the fluid go away on its own? Yes, it was not nearly as much as on the left side and had a pretty good chance of reabsorbing into the body. Would they bother in a normal situation to scrape a small amount of fluid and risk a lung collapse if it wasn’t vital to survival? no. They would not. So I thought about it, eventually deciding to pass. They sent me back to my room, and I spent the afternoon walking the halls, hoping I had made the right decision. It was a weird negotiation to have, and what kind of medical knowledge do I actually have? none…


The Unicorn became a theme for me.

The nurses started making suggestions about going home. I started feeling hopeful. I could almost feel my bed at home, I could almost see my cats. To pass the time, I colored Unicorns in a book someone had given me. I had had a few visitors during the week, each offering a few items to keep me busy, which was proving to be quite helpful.

Friday morning I looked up from my coloring book to see a team of doctors enter my room and was introduced to an actual surgeon…. well, this was odd. I listened as he explained what all of the other doctors in the cardiac unit were worried about. Oh no. I watched numbly as he drew a terrible picture on the whiteboard and illustrated where the leak was located. What was he even attempting to draw? Was that a heart? My heart? There were channels, and weird spikey things coming out of the center. He made a little oval shape and said something like ‘pool of blood’. I heard open heart surgery again. Time literally slowed to a crawl. I heard valve, I heard cow valve, then metal valve, then pig valve. Omg, are they letting me choose what kind of valve I want inside of me? Think clearly, make a rational decision. I was not offended by animal parts inside of me, so confidently elected for a cow or pig valve. Why did I seem so confident about picking a VALVE? By their explanations, a metal valve was very dangerous and complicated for a person like me. I don’t need any more complications. Was this real life? I guess it is a new real life. I sighed. He asked if I had questions? What was I supposed to ask? I shook my head. He said ok, I’ll see you downstairs tomorrow morning and we will do this. He clapped his hands together and left the room. We stared after him and his team.  I looked at my husband. Pig valve, right? Good choice?

For some reason I thought the leak spotted at the previous hospital had turned out to be a non-issue, but I was wrong, it was just an issue which needed addressing after the other issues…. man, this was some luck.

The day was filled with people coming to ‘prep’ me for the next day. My husband looked exhausted, but dutifully said everything was going to be ok. We had to get it done and not carry any issues with us out the door. He promised to be there before I went in for surgery, although I thought that was a bit silly. We had no idea if it was going to be a three hour or eight hour surgery, and what could anyone do but wave as I was wheeled away in the bed? The anesthesiologists peppered with me with questions and explanations. I was least excited about this part because I knew I was going to wake up feeling completely frozen based on past experiences. Like thinking I was in Siberia for some reason. Everyone reacts differently, I guess.

As per every previous day, a nurse pulled my blood at 4:30 am. I hadn’t had one person miss a vein all week, the bruises were starting to fade, and I marveled at their accuracy and confidence. It was weird. Now, there were additional IV’s attached to my neck as well as semi-permanent ones in each arm. Labs were required to be pulled separate from the IV’s, so I was still stuck each and every morning, regardless, to make sure my blood levels were correct. Funny the things you get used to.

At 7:30 I was retrieved. I started a long, unnerving journey to the Operating Room, my files in a binder resting on my leg. We stopped in a hallway. There were no more pictures of horses on the walls. The giant wash sinks were very real. A cap for my hair was placed on my head. There was a totally different atmosphere outside the OR. The intensity of perfection and sterilization crackled around me. The techs asked me why I was there. I answered, considered sarcasm or a joke, but no joke came out. I was once again told about the procedure and eventually wheeled into the sterile room. The lights on the ceiling were very real. I was asked to slide myself to the operating table. I obeyed. I started really looking at faces, or parts of faces. I could feel my heart pounding. People never stopped talking, reading my file, going over every detail. Then, I was gone.

Sure enough I was shaking. An uncontrollable shivering gripped me from my head to my toes. It didn’t stop, even after more blankets were tossed on me. There was something in my mouth. I wanted it out. I couldn’t open my eyes. My tongue tried to remove the breathing tube. I shook and shook and shook some more. “Dulany, you did great! You are in the ICU, ok?” I didn’t want to shake. I was worried I was going to choke. I could hear voices asking if I was uncomfortable. I could hear them discussing taking my breathing tube out. Please, please. Get it out, I could only say to myself. I continued shaking. More chatter. Finally the nurses started working on the obstruction in my mouth and I started to calm down. What is it with me and tubes in my mouth? The shaking started to slow down and I could open my eyes. ICU. Another unit in the hospital.

I never received a new animal valve. Mine ended up being in perfectly good working order, (so the pig parts waited on ice for someone else) and the doctors were able to clean up the leak easily enough, so the surgery was just a few hours long. This was good news.

The only thing I couldn’t get comfortable with was the fact that there were four drainage tubes stitched into my chest and they ached. If they hadn’t hurt so much I think I would have bounced right on out of ICU but having tubes sewn into your boobs is not cool. I didn’t want to move. My nurse was wildly patient with me. Not moving is apparently not an option. I said I would move next week. She said well you are going to get out of bed tomorrow, sista, and walk across the room, and in the meantime we have to roll you around every few hours so you don’t get bedsores.  Then I am going to take the pee bag out and guess what? You will have to actually use a bathroom. I stared at her. She ignored me and adjusted pillows, propping me up so I would drain some more fluid out. I didn’t sleep the first night, but by the second night exhaustion set in. The nurse peeked in, but didn’t disturb me. I was learning how to sleep with tubes in me. I gave up on the pain medicine doing anything. The following morning, I had to learn how to walk again. I figured out how to roll off the bed, with some help, but my legs were so weak, they could barely hold me up. I shuffled. There was zero modesty left in me at this point after days of poking, studying, stabbing, and whatever else had to be done, so learning how to pee again was done with an audience, and took time. Funny the things you have to concentrate on. I had a roommate briefly who seemed to be out of the twilight zone. She screamed and moaned but could never identify where she had pain. She refused to talk, only scream, and flat out refused to cooperate, not even saying her name for the cute x-ray technician (he could get anyone to talk). In a way this was good for me, because it made me try to be a better patient. I wasn’t sorry to see her change rooms, but you never heard one complaint out of me regarding the screaming. I focused on forcing my crippled body to move. And pee.

Finally I moved to the ‘step down unit’. Normally, I think it is about three days here and they want you out. I was ready. The first night in the new unit was excruciating because my body was on fire. I thought for sure the same thing was happening after the first surgery, and my body was filling up with fluid, but I had tubes continually draining, so actually I just hurt. I tried sitting up, I tried adjusting pillows, I tried the chair, I tried leaning back, nothing eased the pain. My ribs felt broken, my back, omg my back was giving up. My husband called my mom who called in a friend to sit with me so he could get some rest. He was just so damn tired. I was asking for muscle relaxers, so they tried some Robaxin. I managed an inside joke to myself. With everything else, I was now on Lasix and Robaxin.

I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, but I was grateful for the company that night. She said later I didn’t look good. She helped me back into the bed and we crossed our fingers it would pass by morning. I had learned to count, so I stared at the railings of the bed and counted to 100. I counted to 200. Breathe. Count. Repeat. She left.


my view for several days


By morning, I was indeed better. Whatever was going on had vanished, and I was steadily improving. The days were starting to blend together, for sure, but the clarity in my head was returning. Every day I felt ready for the next step. The first set of tubes were removed and this deleted a tremendous amount of agony. I started to bathe myself, and tried combing my hair. Going three weeks without washing your hair is gross. I tried once bending over under the faucet to sort of wash it with some baby shampoo which was offered to me, but this was sort of a pathetic attempt to solve a big problem. I needed my home shower.

My appetite improved steadily, and with no restrictions, I was more or less free to eat whatever I wanted. The menu choices were sparse, however, and not always palatable, so I started asking for more food from home. Healthy snacks started to arrive during the week. Things were really looking up. T-shirts and leggings also showed up from home. I tossed the gown aside for good.


There was only one thing. My body refused to show reaction to the blood pressure medication. Instead, it skyrocketed.

So each morning the nurses and doctors were telling me I was ready to go home, and by the afternoon, they were like uh-oh, this is not good, as they watched my numbers bounce to unacceptable highs.

The professionals experimented. I waited. I wished they would stop suggesting I could go home soon. They asked me if I had white coat syndrome….. I thought of five different sarcastic answers for that question, but settled with ‘no, I do not’.

The PT guys escorted me around the halls, but I hadn’t breathed real life oxygen in two and a half weeks, so I started making suggestions about going outside. They surprised me by getting permission! I wasn’t exactly prepared, had no shoes, but when they came in my room and said guess what? I jumped at the opportunity, pattered downstairs in socks and blew through the doors and out onto the street. I didn’t even care that I was walking around the dirty streets of Baltimore in socks, wired to the gills with a heart monitor, with some stranger talking about horses and Alpacas, I was outside! It was a small thing, but it made all the difference in the world. I could feel the sun on my skin. My legs might have been shaky, but they were moving! My husband brought my shoes the next day.


I battled with frustration. I am not ashamed. The fight I have inside me is the same fight I used to stay alive. Every once in a while that fight showed up in public as frustration. Very few people understood, so seeing me vent for five minutes triggered a negative effect. The reaction would be to stifle my frustration all together instead of accepting it. Now I know when I see this in other people I am going to be better about allowing the frustration to come out of them. I was really hard on myself at times, while I was stuck in that tiny 10×10 room, constantly punishing any desire I had to be somewhere else, and the mental challenge to stay positive was EXHAUSTING. I had to completely rewire my brain, and was only about 75-80% successful during the final days inside that building.

My blood pressure was taken every hour, sometimes it was promising, then for no reason, and at no consistent time, it would spike again, and the doctors would say no, you can’t go home until it lowers. I became a bit of an anomaly on the floor, strolling around, no longer with an escort, sitting for an hour or so in the atrium just for something different, exploring and exercising on my own by now. Nurses would look at me funny if they hadn’t seen me before, and ask if I was a patient, and more than one said I looked like I was ready to go for a jog. Yup, that’s me, passing the time watching National Geographic and looking for my next meal, in leggings and sneakers, taking up precious space in a hospital. Ready for a jog.


Fact: Nurses don’t play cards.


Eventually, after over three weeks total of hospital time, they decided to let me go. I couldn’t believe it.

I stared out the window on the way home, and marveled at what I had missed. Spring had actually arrived, and the trees were starting to show themselves. I was a little uncomfortable over every bump in the road, but the closer I got to home, the better my mood improved. Tom got me out of the car, and in the house, and my cats actually greeted me…. You have no idea how much I worried that they wouldn’t recognize me. Instead, they curled their bodies around my legs and looked up and said hi! Even Squid, the little jerk of a feline, let me pet his head. Morkie stuck by my side like glue.

I showered for 30 minutes. Three weeks of hospital ickiness washed down the drain. That was about all I could handle the first day, so I climbed carefully into bed with the cats and marveled at being home. Not a lot of people thought I would ever make it back here, so I reveled in the moment of simply being alive.

The first week home was fairly simple, sleep a lot, walk three times a day up and down the driveway, take medication, check blood pressure, sit outside in the sun, eat, nap, read, write, and watch movies. My sternum ached, and I was worried about taking pain relievers to mask it, so I avoided them. Better to be in a little pain, rather than thinking you can conquer the world in one day. I did a little reflecting on what happened, but not much. I have no intention of changing my entire life. I think what happened was a medical problem, not a lifestyle problem. Of course, I won’t truly know this until I get further down the healing path, but if the doctors felt they did a good job with me and said I could ride again, then I will ride again. I am not that old, and my quality of life is actually quite good.


Morkie enjoying the sun with me


I marvel at what the doctors were able to accomplish to keep me here. This may sound horrifically morbid, but let’s face it. There are a lot of people who are depressed, some depressed to the point they want to destroy or eliminate themselves all together. One of the first thoughts I had was wow, these guys worked so hard to fix an internal problem, I better respect that work they did! Not that I would ever consider myself an exceptionally depressed person, but when you go through something like this, you want to work harder to be a better person, and not take that away permanently.

I look at food differently, even though I don’t have any dietary restrictions. But I really look at it. Do I want that in my body? What is it going to do for me? Help or hurt me? I was lazy about food before, but not a really terrible eater, just ate a lot of weird snacks. Now, I want real food, I even want to cook again, which probably means a lot of packing my own lunches for horse shows. Who knows, maybe I’ll start selling salad bowls out of my trailer, lol. I’m kidding. Sort of. I can still eat french fries, but I can’t imagine I will eat as many as I used to.


Quinoa power bowl, who am I?


I was slow to see people during the first part of recovery, because it can be exhausting to even talk, but hearing from friends is great, and it is astonishing to me how many people mobilized around me to lend a hand. People fought through fear, tears, and more just to hold my hand, rearrange my horses, move my car, belongings, and whatever else had to be done to make it easier for my family. I have no idea how to do anything else but try to pay it forward. I would imagine that part of me will be very different in the future. The stack of cards alone is astonishing!


good reading from Dad


Further into recovery, hope grows. The body really can heal, and when the body feels good, the mind feels good. My instructions were quite simple. Walk as much as you want, but don’t lift anything until the sternum heals. And when you are in the car, sit in the back seat so the airbag doesn’t blow through your chest if there is an accident. Roger. Got it. The hospital sent a Physical Therapist, who literally laughed out loud when I answered the door for him. Apparently, not many patients answer the door the first week home, but ok. He was about to turn tail and leave, but I asked him to stay in case I had questions, and he went over a few details, took a few notes, but admitted I was half the age of his normal patients. He didn’t think I needed help to get up and down the stairs, bade me farewell, and told me I would be fine, just keep moving. He wouldn’t answer me about when I could ride. Not his jurisdiction.

I can be a passenger! I can walk wherever I want! I do take full advantage of being mobile now, especially, ironically, since it is spring, and nothing says new beginning or starting over like spring. I sit still just long enough to try and finish my book I have been working on, and in between writing sessions, I move. A lot. Missing adventures is not going to be part of my new routine.

Every day I am astonished at what my body can do. Before I start, I remind myself I had to use a walker in the hospital. The first day home when I could only manage 5 minutes in my driveway because it had a slight incline. But each day the minutes increased, the distance increased, and my legs grew stronger. This week I walked to Kenilworth Mall, a mile from my house and shopped for food, then walked back. Two miles with a small hill! I count down the days until I return for my check up so I can brag about what I have accomplished…. just kidding, but really.

Advice? I don’t think I should be giving advice, but I don’t want someone else to go through an Aortic Dissection, either. Take care of your freaking body, I guess. Be smart about what you put in it. Chew your food, instead of inhaling it. Equestrians are not stellar examples of good health, and even though what happened to me might have happened even if my body was living on purified water and organic foods, we could all do better. I feel like I’ve said this kind of stuff before though, with pleas to get mammograms, regular health checks, and treat your bodies like we treat our horses, but horse people come up with 101 excuses why they can’t be bothered. Well good luck to you. Those close to me have certainly made various doctor appointments, I assure you, because what they witnessed happen to me was not glamorous, and didn’t make them want to be part of my club……

Every life changing incident happens for a reason, (right?) and if God has other plans for me, then bring them, I am more than ready.

Disclaimer. I don’t know if I need a disclaimer but whatever, here it is.

This was my personal view of my experience, and it took me some time to decide how to share it.  Each day I learn something new about what people have done for me these past six weeks and I am grateful. I thank you. I may never stop learning how you helped me, thought about me, prayed for me, reached out to my family, sent me a care package, or did something small for me without my knowledge. Whatever it was, it worked, and I am indebted to the community for the rest of my life. Again, thank you. The prayers seriously worked this time. I won’t forget any of it. xx.



Squid watching the grass grow with me


Bad Canter, in the show hunter, helpful hints.

When a young horse has a bad canter…..

I hear this term a lot. I use the term ‘bad canter’ a lot. Breaking down the logistics of a bad canter versus a great canter can have different meanings to different people.

When I say a horse has a bad canter and am looking at horses to buy for American hunter riders, I have to consider what an American rider can do with a bad canter. Not much. With the current gap in education we live with (and created), a bad canter is really just an undeveloped canter in a young horse and the balance is ‘on the head’, not the hocks. But a lot of people here want to ‘fix’ the bad canter by slapping on draw reins, a strong bit, even tranquilizer, and force the canter to something more comfortable for the rider. This leads to other issues down the road, creating a horse who will always need a severe bit, too much compression to the spine without the muscle to support it, and an association of pain with work, a huge pet peeve with me.

Keep in mind I am not simply describing the MOVEMENT of a horse in the canter. Good movers can also have bad canters, but many average moving horses have what I consider a weak canter. If you are lucky enough to have a horse with a good canter and it is a hack winner…yay! You don’t need this article. To me, it is a bit trivial to try to fool with trying to make an average mover into a 10 mover, and it is not the point of this piece, but rather to address what is in the caboose of a young horse. Those movement techniques can be discussed later.

Can a bad canter become a good canter?

Of course, with time. People seem to loathe the use of time in development, but it does actually work. If you handed me ballet slippers and a tutu, and demanded four ballet positions perfected in in ten minutes, I would ask you to share whatever drug you were taking and flail my way across the dance floor looking like a penguin rolling off a glacier and smashing into ten other penguins who were gawking at him. You give me ten weeks and it would be a different story. I would receive an invitation from the school for the arts I would be so good…. but probably for just those four positions.

I think horses are the same way. Their bodies can always improve with correct development, and we can give them cues and exercises to build the muscle for good gaits.

What does a bad canter feel like?

It feels horrible if you are not ready for it. The stride feels 25 feet long, there is no steering, going around turns is a battle with gravity as the horse leans in and braces itself to remain upright, and when you ask to shorten the stride, they trot, there is very little control. Riding in a small arena is suddenly a daunting experience. Your body wants to brace against the lack of control and suddenly your back hurts, arms hurt, and legs are like wtf is happening here? You both pull up winded.

Then you pull the tack off and realize there is no topline or back muscle under the saddle. You find yourself wanting to turn your horse over to a field hunter.

Riders tend to think the horse must be being naughty and willingly out of control in the canter, so in come ‘the hardware and tools’ to fix the problem.

The fighting begins.

Other bad canters feel ‘racky’, and it is hard to tell if the horse is trotting behind and cantering up front. They may do everything else just perfectly right, but the canter is not fully engaged. As a horseman, you have to make a decision as to what you feel can be improved upon and what the horse can relearn to make a full 3 beat canter. Maybe they can do the job without a normal canter, so it isn’t an issue, like this one in this video was a saint, a school teacher of sorts for a kid, but if I were to show it to a professional rider, they might balk at the gait, specifically the way it canters the first line.

How do you work with a bad canter?

My entire life is spent riding horses of all ages, sizes, shapes, breeds, etc. Some have better conformation than others. When you feel unbalance, the first thing to decide is exactly where that imbalance is coming from. Usually between the mouth and the hind end, you can spot a weakness. If my job is a 20 minute fix, I have to alter my methods to please the customer, but if my horse is a 6 month project, I can work more magic.

Dummy down the hardware. Snaffles only. I was fortunate enough to spend a good chunk of my educational years (early 90’s) in stables across Europe with an endless supply of three, four, and five year olds to break and start. There were tack rooms full of bridles of all sizes. and ONE selection of bit. The loose ring snaffle. No tricks, no gimmicks, no draw reins, and if you couldn’t make that work, you didn’t get to ride. You may have been offered a running martingale if you needed something to hang onto as they bucked and flung themselves across the ring or leapt six feet in the air over a pole on the ground.

I still use a loose ring snaffle, but my go to bit is a plain D-ring snaffle, and for funny shaped mouths I may have an egg butt to offer. Why can’t you use more? Well, you can, but the problem with using more is that it will never become less down the road. What works in my training for young horses is what makes them less resistant for an amateur rider in the future. Most of what I teach a horse is through the leg, not the mouth anyway, so the dependency for severe hardware disappears quickly. If I am preparing for a weaker rider, and that rider really does need more hardware the horse will end up with better obedience for that rider. I do own a pair of draw reins, but I don’t use them to correct a balance issue, because they make a horse fake in the mouth, or heavier in your hands when used too much. A horse has to be really strong or unruly before I pull them out, and more often it is a cold, windy day in February and I am about to venture on a highly anticipated trail ride with lions, tigers, and bears lurking around every which corner. Just kidding, sort of. We don’t have tigers.

Do the transitions.

No one ever believes me when I say this, (not that I care), but it is the number one most effective training technique for your horses, done correctly. There are days I never even get to the canter during a ride, and that is ok! Walking provides an astonishing amount of muscle building alone, but when you add on the walk trot transitions into the program, you set yourself up for more balance in the canter. Leg aides need to be accepted and understood, so if the horse shoots off your leg into the trot too quickly, do ten more transitions until the horse doesn’t shoot off your leg (nicely, not rough). If he won’t go to the trot the first time you ask, get him to a point he responds off the leg better. Don’t use so much hand in a down transition. American riders desperately want control of the mouth and the first instinct of just about every rider I see is to close the hand to stop or slow down. However, it is the riders thighs and legs closing on the horse’s back which tells a horse to slow down, not the mouth, so if you simply communicate to the proper area, you will have a very willing animal to work with. A good trot to walk transition shows absolutely no hand movement whatsoever, and is all performed through the seat of the saddle, sitting gently and squeezing your thighs together with a goal of never having to pull on the reins. If you really want to get a horse broke properly you will do 42 transitions a ride for weeks. And most of them in the walk and trot.

I coaxed Stacey into being the demo for this video, and luckily it shows a lot of different things. It is a minute long, but you can clearly see the first transition the horse hollows out a bit and disengages his hind end, and Stacey slightly falls behind the vertical with her body, but by the end of the video the transitions are drastically improving to where you can see leg acceptance, the hind end stays underneath, and the topline stays in one place.

On day to day riding, I would tell her go to 20 more minutes of those rapid succession transitions until they are perfect. And I would encourage a bigger and bigger trot step as the transitions get better. The harder they push into the transition, the more the muscle develops. The rider should never lean back for a down transition, despite your natural instinct. Fight the instinct! Think of closing your hip and relaxing more, stretching, not bracing and pulling.

This is where the draw reins can hurt. You will be blinded and not know if your horse is listening to your leg or listening to the draw rein. I want the horse to willingly do the transition without lifting its head or dropping the hind end, and the only way to find that consistency is with as little equipment as possible. I never ever tie a horse down with a chambon and expect good results. Actually I would never get on a horse with a chambon. ever. It doesn’t happen perfectly the first day, but one week of good transitions and you will see a difference.

Allow the canter.

This is hard and scary, and really the riders who have spent time at the track are the only ones with an advantage here. Letting go of the canter and letting the horse learn to find its’ balance is a mental and physical demand only a few are very comfortable with. If that’s you, awesome. If not, I feel ya, I had to learn it the hard way. Rodrigo Pessoa made exactly one comment about 30 years ago and it changed my life, thank you Rodrigo. I owe you.  He said  “take away the resistance and the horse won’t have anything to pull against.” It is true, where is the horse gonna go? Let go, stand up, don’t panic, and stay on a big circle. Don’t do too many laps. The horse will get tired very quickly. You know those first four strides where everything feels great? And then it all goes to shit around the end of the ring and you head down the straightaway like a train out of control and next thing you know you are trotting again? Ya sister, been there. Just try a few transitions on the circle where you keep feeling those first few steps correctly, and gradually four good steps will become five, six or seven. It will get there.

It is like building blocks. If you can perform one halfway decent canter circle where the two of you are not fighting, but communicating well, chances are the next time you ask for that circle your horse will WANT to perform. However, if you create the circle from hell and bully your horse into getting what YOU think feels comfortable, your horse will remember that you were an asshole, and maybe carry that resentment forward. Good luck buddy, you will need it.

Go outside the ring.

Do I really need to explain this? Find a hill. Use it. Yes, even show hunters can do this. There is laziness across the pond, too. Less and less Europeans are riding outside of their perfectly groomed arenas, and hardly any of the horses arriving here understand what a hill is, and watching them learn how to go down a hill the first time can be comical. Ok, I get some parts of the country are flat, but if you aren’t in that part, use the land God gave us. Don’t waste the opportunity while you have it.


ride out of the ring more to find the balance


Trot to Jumping.

For some reason we have this law in our heads that a proper school of a horse is walk/trot/canter each way of the ring before you jump. School horses are programmed. We learned it that way, no one has ever changed it up, and it would be confusing to rock the boat at this point, so no one teaches it any other way. It’s fine, whatever, but when you have a horse with an awkward canter, sometimes it is best to come from a different angle. After 42 walk trot transitions you aren’t likely to be risking injury from an inefficient warm up, trust me. He is warmed up. When horses land off of a jump those first couple of strides are correct and better balanced naturally, because they are thinking of the jump, not the canter. If you repeat a trot jump and set a pole one stride away they correctly can learn what a 12 foot stride is. This is why you see gymnastics.

There is nothing wrong with changing your routine, but do it mildly. Avoid a situation requiring a horse to jump through a grid of 30 cross rails. Absolutely not necessary. Developing a good canter for a hunter can happen with a combination of maximum 3 jumps and a few poles. I have had more horses needing to re learn how to properly trot a jump and miraculously end up with an outstanding canter on the backside, because I made him think about where his body is. I didn’t get in his way, or pull on his face on the landing, and voila! There it is. Pretty soon I could trot into a line and canter out without feeling the wheels fall off underneath me.

Bad canters can often indicate power in the back end, but the horse just isn’t educated enough to know how and when to engage it. They haven’t developed the muscle in the back and the strength in the hocks to support that power, so the result is uncomfortable at best.

Riders should try to manage and improve the canter without interfering with the long term quality of the gait, and keep them sound at the same time.

When you watch this video, you can see this horse doesn’t have the best canter, it is not the worst! But I have seen better, and what I like about this sequence is that you can actually see the horse processing the questions and thinking about how to change its balance. Will the canter improve? I would think it should significantly with repeating these types of exercises.

Maybe the only thing I would add to this is exercise is a cavalletti in the corner, after the line, to introduce a lead change, hereby preventing too many abrupt corners and having to halt on a straight line every time. It is lovely when you feel a horse turn the corner smoothly, especially when they haven’t been able to do so in the past.

Does age make a difference?

YES age does matter! In Dressage, classically trained horses are taught for up to 6 years to go forward. 6 YEARS. Collection does not begin until their hocks and knees are closed and growing is complete. 4 and 5 year old horses can have really awkward growth spurts putting their system way out of whack for a time, especially smaller ones, and what we demand out of young hunters in the show ring is a bit harsh in reality, when you think about it. However, we, as a society, have sort of shoved off the concerns by using excuses like well, you know, 2’6” or 3’ is not that demanding compared to a Grand Prix horse. Well, ok, whatever, it is our culture to behave this way, but true engagement of the hocks shouldn’t really be burdened on a 4 or 5 year old, unless you don’t care whether it passes a vet check down the road when it is finally ready to be sold. I am not a huge fan of being on the backs of 3 year olds and jumping them, but again, it depends on the horseman, and depends on the horse.

Most trainers have to do what is right for them, but I do appreciate our lack of available resources for young professionals and young horses in the hunter world, and strive to encourage good development of both, not just look for the easy way to make a buck. If you really are prepared to take on young horses, do it with help, do it with time, and do it correctly. Your peers will respect you more for it. I assure you.IMG_2318.png


Not Grass Roots, part II of the 2019 US Equestrian Meeting

it is not grass roots, it is fundamental.

There was a session at the 2019 US Equestrian meeting which I felt warranted an article of its own.

It is the Fundamental group of competing horse owners across this country who are being pushed out of sanctioned horse showing based on the rising costs of an interfering Federation with predatory characteristics and strict (some say over) regulation. This is the simple explanation of an evolution of hunter jumper horse showing across the nation, in my eyes.

In many places across the country you have actually already left, gone, vamoose, and you are not looking back….

Where are you going?

Many of you are re-discovering the Thoroughbred. The wildly successful TB circuits are filling the gap at an accelerated pace simply by offering affordable showing costs, limited divisions and rules, and little to no overhead. I hear it everywhere, I am asked lately (well, more and more) to find my clients Thoroughbreds, a request I never thought my business would ever in a million years hear or experience again. Horse trading Thoroughbreds is still far from easy (because Americans are trying to recollect how to actually ride a thoroughbred), but the challenge has been accepted, and wow, a lot of you are in the game again. I experienced personally the mania last year in TIP shows, witnessed the Take2 TB classes, saw the checks rolling out to year end award recipients, and watched in awe almost the entire Retired Racehorse Project. It is all beyond impressive. The RRP grew so fast, in fact, the organization was forced to increase the application fee to accommodate the growing interest and also added a whole new day to the schedule to better serve exhibitors. What a great problem to have for Thoroughbreds…

You weighed in on your experience and left sanctioned showing behind and your wallet is heavier because of it.


Version 2

If you are a fundamental rider who still has a warmblood, you also have made a financial decision to limit the amount of showing on the A circuit to accommodate an actual budget. So maybe you spend 3 weeks of showing in Florida for the experience, but that prevents you from showing for the next three months after February. Which is fine! You get to show in Florida!! … the sunshine!!! Yay you!! Go you!!

I think I have point in here somewhere…..

I guess I am watching both the USHJA and USEF evolve as well, but in oddly opposite directions. And in their own evolution, they are putting some heavy focus on recruiting new members, and one way to find them is through the affiliate organizations. The need for money coming into the organizations is exceptionally high right now, so these fundamental competitors are tasked with financing all of the other levels which cost a gross amount of funding. Exorbitant amounts of bonuses are paid to riders and horses at the very top of the USEF pyramid, for example. Ironically, these are often the wealthiest of the riders we have in America. What do they need the bonuses for? More fancy equipment? I am pretty sure the top 1% already has a support system to buy whatever they need, so the thought of the Federation writing a check to top tier riders because they were chosen to represent our team sorta makes me cringe. That money can be used better, in my naive and and cynical mind.

What else are you doing?

Choosing your schedule differently? Choosing your horse purchases differently? What has more meaning to you? A year end award/class or championship? Or convenience of showing close to home? Zone 3 has a healthy and robust non-sanctioned show circuit which I have repeatedly asked other Zones or states to follow, study and see if it is a formula which might work in their own area. The burgeoning unrecognized shows are not shrinking away in areas with intelligent, motivated people who have figured out how to run a mildly decent horse show. Some are better than others. Some you may have to bring your own food or contribute to a potluck lunch table. Some you have to pack your horse’s water. (you should do this anyway, but, oddly enough along the way, many people forgot this basic necessity)


From a typical East Coast Fundamental mom :

Our Goals with showing

  • Gaining Experience
  • Cultivating a Love of Horses 
  • Developing Horsemanship
  • Having Fun
  • With Some Luck, a ribbon.
  • Local End of Year Awards (if we get super lucky)
  • Give a Young Horse some positive mileage

My son, 8 years old, is in his 6th year of showing at unrecognized shows, with the exception of Devon (once- won lead line in 2015), Upperville and Warrenton (again Lead line).  He is a member of VHSA and the Battlefield Horse Show Association.  

Right now, we solely do unrecognized shows in Short Stirrup and Pony Pleasure.  We can do 3 divisions for $135 total.  Up to this point, he has been uncompetitive in SS because he doesn’t know his diagonals and he is a laid back boy who is a loose goose in the saddle.  My goal for him is just to gain experience and gain a love of the sport.  As much as I love showing at the bigger shows, there is no need for me to spend the money when he is not competitive yet.  I also have a non-horsey husband.  He likes the shows, but if we were constantly gone for multiple days and spending lots of money, he may balk.  I’m trying to ease him into things!  

myers 1

I had a young horse prospect 2 years ago that I started showing locally and she gained some useful mileage before being sold as a pre-green horse.

We ride with a number of other kids who solely do unrecognized shows.  Their goal, in addition to improving their riding and horses, is to show at the VHSA Assoc. Finals in Nov.  To show at that show, one must do 5 VHSA Associate Shows.  From what I see, their parents are not horse people but support their kids in achieving this goal.  But, I did hear complaints about the long days when we showed at the VHSA Assoc Show this year.  They are not used to the long days or lack of scheduling (ie. hurry up and wait)

I really feel that people doing the one day shows are not looking to get USEF/USHJA points.  Instead, the VHSA Associate Show proves that people want to have a “bigger” show experience (there were 60 Short Stirrup rides, and over 100 14&U Eq on the Flat riders!)  Doing well at these bigger shows means more than the end of the year awards.  

I preface this by saying I am not really familiar with the Stirrup Cup or the Outreach Shows.  (Maybe these are what I am suggesting)  Perhaps the USEF could cultivate the “middle” tier of riders by setting a goal that is not point driven.  Chasing points does nothing to encourage these folks to show.  Why not require AA show management to have a ring dedicated to opportunity classes or make Sunday a day for opportunity classes. That way trainers could bring all of their people to the same show, and other trainers may introduce their riders to shows that otherwise they would not know about.  People could also watch the rated divisions and perhaps develop new goals.  I live in Culpeper and many of the kids we ride with have never stepped foot on the HITS show grounds. Additionally, the fees should be lower/non-existent and this should pertain to show management/office/grounds fees. (I’m amazed how my stall at VHSA Finals was half of what it is at a AA show) The “opportunity divisions”  fit this bill but are RARELY offered.

That’s all for now.  In summary– we want a good show experience but are not looking for year end awards or points.  We know that we need to step up for that level.

Courtney Frankhouser Myers

myers 2

Isn’t interesting she didn’t even know about the Outreach Program?

Why does everyone always assume people don’t go to horse shows unless they are qualifying for some unknown variable? I can’t wrap my head around this logic. There are loads of people showing who don’t give a crap about receiving an award, but our institutions REFUSE to listen to that piece of it, so we create and create and create, only to wonder why no one is signing up for our creations. It is so dumb. Not everyone wins at the RRP or a TIP show, but the experience of competing at the Kentucky Horse Park is amazing!!

There are two kinds of people out there, people who like to show when they can show and people who show with a goal of a championship on their minds. The advantage comes from knowing how to please both people.

It used to be people could stomach signing up for a Federation and Affiliate membership in order to show at just one competition, because the fun of showing at a fancy show one time was just alluring enough to justify the extra expense. Those days are long gone! You try to convince someone these days? You are met with a look of jest followed by a litany of ‘over my dead body’ remarks. Why? Because the options are out there. Hunt Clubs solved this problem ages ago by offering varying types of memberships depending on how often you hunted. Hunt less than 6 times? No problem! Here’s a membership plan for you…. Got the bug now?? okey dokey, full membership for you!….Currently, we don’t have that option, but it would be nice if we did, and for once it would be nice if a Federation stayed current on the needs of the majority of members.

licensed officials struggling to find work

At the USHJA meeting I ran into a few people frustrated with the lack of available work for newly licensed judges with a small ‘r’. Managers tend to re-hire the same judges year after year, and breaking into that old world club is met with an insane level of difficulty and closed doors until those judges decide to retire. In the past the ‘r’ judge gained a tremendous amount of experience through one day horse shows which eventually led to bigger and better paying judging jobs down the road. However, with the sudden extinction of these B and C (or Regional I and II) shows in some areas, they simply cannot be hired because the work is no longer there. Many ‘r’ judges are amateurs who actually have other full time jobs. Some are not amateurs and have spent a great deal of time and money to become licensed, but lack the initial network to help them get started.

Is there a solution?

I have found that convincing a show manager to run a single day recognized horse show is met with much resistance. The costs to the Federations alone are staggering and it is nearly to impossible to run a single day show at profit. The risk is too great.  I think incentives are needed for those one day shows, and the cost to the Federation needs to be greatly reduced, or some sort of short term (two year) incentive plan put into place. Say you have a viable facility and an ambitious show manager, could you not offer a package, say offering a series of 4-6 shows through the calendar year but you get to run a bonus show with no costs to the Federation? Or only pay the Federation if the show runs at a profit? Single day horse shows cannot run at a loss, period. You don’t need a business degree to see how that will not work with a show manager. I guess we have to take in the solution of the Outreach Program and hope it spreads fast enough across the country to keep the door open to riders and trainers showing primarily on a local circuit. Many show managers feel the Outreach classes are what is saving their horses shows all together, otherwise they would be running completely in the red.

What else?

Do you think offering an equal balance of points for any division up to the 3’6” height is fair? Or did we screw up by slashing points when you didn’t show at a premiere or national show even though the competition is basically the same. An adult amateur is an adult amateur is an adult amateur. So why should you get more points just because you prefer to write bigger checks and show at fancier places? Personally, I don’t see why any adult or children’s hunter should be on a different point scale when you all are the same level riding ability but maybe that is just me. Someone along the way (probably a show manager) saw more logic in awarding more points for higher rated shows, despite the competitors being the same competitors. I don’t know. I think maybe the point scale should be the same across the board, no matter how big or how little you write a check for your entry fees. Maybe this is why I found the Child/Adult Hunter Championships so fun, because all levels of adult amateurs and children’s hunter riders were represented and enjoyed the experience.


Bringing back hunter breeding to one day shows…Actually, I got nothing here. I am sympathetic to the hunter breeding competitors, but even if any of us has a good idea how to breathe life into that division, we would be met with resistance. Just because. If you all want to show at one day shows speak up. And keep speaking up. In my eyes I see it easier to bring babies to a one day horse show, and having a little hunter breeding chaos at the end of the day would be fun I think. Do you want the Hunter Breeding to be on a Zone level or National level? Do you want to see hunter breeding at Zone Finals?


Preserving the land and whose shoulders would that fall on? Rapidly disappearing land is no secret in some parts of the country and someone brought up the fact that maybe the USEF should start helping preserve land our venues sit on, rather than milk the venues to fill up their pocketbook. This is actually a really good idea, and would be a nice gesture to a Federation who acts like Godzilla half the time. After all, what is the point of sanctioned horse shows, if there are no venues to show out of? Smaller show organizations cannot fight the land loss alone, so if USEF did a little ‘outreach’ of its own, it would restore a little faith in the members.

I think it is funny to watch the organizations chase their tails so much. The entire country shifts and changes and moves away from what those organizations set up and it takes years to cycle back. No one wants to stay ahead of the curve, and the slow process to implement legislation doesn’t help either. It is a shame, there was so much potential to roll with the tide, but we somehow lacked the foresight to actually ride the biggest wave to shore….

Someone told me this week during the annual meeting we might need a few more people really willing to fight for the programs we love within the USHJA. I agree, you need to really fight for what you want. At least for the time being. The two organizations go hand in hand, but membership involvement is clearly not as welcome in USEF as it is in USHJA.

I’ll continue to share the heck out of the USHJA programs, I’ll get behind the ones I like, and insist on changing the ones I don’t like, and I’ll explain to YOU what makes them good programs so when YOU are ready, they are there for you.  I am going be an activist in my own way, not in a control freak kind of way. I am not going to collect any more data, I already pay close attention to the markets, and I already see what is happening out there, but I do want to hear about how people prioritize their competition lifestyles.

I don’t think either the USHJA or USEF will ever get ahead of the competition world and as we watch other turmoils start to unfold in front of us, I wonder if they will eventually end up paying the ultimate price. I hope not, our livelihoods do depend on their success.

2019 USEF Annual Meeting, part 1

Every year, at the US Equestrian Annual Meeting, we are bombarded with glorious presentations, pie charts, other graphs, and video montages, which all are fine and dandy, and it is lovely to feel like our Federation is moving forward, but some of us come to these meetings to actually learn, ask questions and get a feel for the people in charge and decide whether or not they really are working for us, or following a completely different agenda, only known to themselves.

For some reason, there always seems like a disconnect, but I don’t know.  In Murray Kessler’s annual State of the Union, he said ‘people don’t understand’ approximately 42 times. I picked up on it, why? Because it is an easy cop out. If we don’t understand, then maybe you aren’t doing your job, buddy. Don’t tell me I don’t understand, it is an insult on the lowest level. I think most of us are understanding more than you think, so drawing a line in the sand isn’t going to help us here. It might seem like we don’t understand because we may not care as much as you do, but seriously….. I understand.


The Federation is currently very healthy, giving away a bunch of free fan memberships this year has boosted overall numbers and attracted sponsors. Yay. Slightly misleading, yet powerful in the remarks about gaining more ground across the board with horse sports. The USEF Network will be everywhere, and the gaps left by NBC Sports not taking up television coverage will be filled with our own network, so get used to loads more USEF Network programming.

He also brought up an opportunity which sickened my stomach, but maybe the AQHA people feel differently, now that the FEI has broken up with Reiners. I would certainly hope the AQHA won’t have to fall under the USEF umbrella, but it sounds like negotiating has already begun, unless this is a pipe dream he wanted to express out loud for the first time, and is salivating at the idea of gaining 200,000 new members ….ugh. Can you imagine? Poor AQHA members, having to sell your souls in order to return to the world stage again. How awful for you all. You have my sympathies.


You gotta give him credit, however, because Murray is ridiculously unwavering in his commitment to achieve his goals. You cannot mistake where he intends to bring this organization, and whether you like it or not, it is going there. His Strategic Plan is in full swing, and all the tea in China cannot stop him now. The budget is under control, no one is embezzling any monetary funds, and the Federation seems to flourish with his iron fisted tactics. No one has the time to be lazy in that office, that’s for sure. He expects results, and staff is producing results. Kudos to people who answer directly to him. He is not exactly a ‘people’ person, he seems to not understand how to talk with someone, only at them, and it comes off as aggressive and well, alarmingly crazy if he is angry.  No one can accuse him of micro managing, however, and he expects the lowest level of governing committees to make the decisions to move forward rather than wait for issues to land on the desk of the Board of Directors. It is a completely different feeling than the governance within the USHJA.

The Drugs and Medication update is fairly simple. We are lucky enough to be able to outsource the drug testing to University of Kentucky and are currently setting up a new relationship with the new Lab Director there, so our future drug tests will not be overseen solely by Stephen Schumacher, thank the Lord. Also, it will eventually be an institution you will be able to have your own supplements tested, which is good. Pergolide users, as of last month you may fill out a Therapeutic Use Exemption and not disrupt your medication use for Cushings horses. You do have to prove your horse actually has Cushings, but it does alleviate the anxiety somewhat surrounding Pergolide. Never heard any follow up discussion on Depo.

The affiliate meeting was probably the most contentious meeting, but the general public was closed out on it, so we missed the good stuff. Several breeds and disciplines are re-evaluating their relationship with the USEF and we all wanted to see the blood bath unfold, but were sadly disappointed. After two hours of negotiating, we were finally invited back to the room for an update, where everyone was calm, cool, and collected, and discussions on how to move forward as a group and save on bulk items such as printer ink and paper were being discussed. Also, group insurance to protect against the cancelation of competitions was requested. Alright. Well, the USEF really needs to hold to hold on to those affiliates, and vice versa, otherwise too great a financial loss will occur and we wouldn’t want a bankruptcy situation on our hands, now would we? USEF printed an official update here :

Safe Sport is still the front running topic. I swear sometimes I am more confused by the information the lawyers are telling us than what we learn on our own. I tried to point out we are all very nervous about the unknown more than being in compliance, as we are hearing more and more stories of the incompetence of the Safe Sport Center and the handling of cases. Sometimes I hear only 4 cases have been over turned, some say 13 cases, some say less than .5% of cases. Most cases haven’t been resolved and are waiting for further arbitration. I have news for you, that very first case which was overturned was the trigger to prey on our fears of false accusations. Sonja Keating swears that USEF is trying to work with SS in order to align due process more into what we have been afforded in the past as members of a riding club, so we really need to believe she is pushing back to protect us. For now I really want to believe her, but there is a lot more work to be done to get SS to stop effing things up.

We also have to admit there are a lot of unstable people out there not really understanding what makes a viable complaint worth reporting to the SS Center.

Murray admitted there were 25k-30k non-compliant exhibitors but he wasn’t going to sweat it, because only 16k exhibitors show in the first couple of months of the year, but wow, it seems like a staggering amount of people to still persuade to take the training. Double yikes.

If you are wondering about taking the training every year, we learned that the update is short, and once you take the initial training, you will only have to take 15 minute refresher test each year to stay compliant. This had never been explained before, so it was nice to hear, but left me wondering about what other information is being held back from us….

The more I thought about it however, the more I was intrigued by Murray’s insistence on USEF being the leading organization to fully comply with the USOC. See, Murray doesn’t like not being in control, or told what to do, so what are the advantages to having his organization be the first to have 100% of its members compliant? Will he use that as a way to wield an axe against Safe Sport? Is that even a thing? Is he using our compliance to negotiate with the SS investigators? I can see him or Sonja sitting there in a SS arbitration, saying look, we have complied fully, our members have complied, you all messed up this many times, and from here on out, we are going to ask you change your protocols so people don’t feel they are being nailed to a cross from day one. I know it is a stretch, but……can you see it?


Safe Sport is disappointing, there are loads of stories all over the country describing people suffering from false accusations, so we know it does happen, you really do not have due process to even know who is filing a complaint against you, the arbitration is whack, and the turnover of leadership within the actual SS Center is alarming. But until someone convinces Congress to axe the program, we are stuck with it. Obviously it is your choice if you choose to revoke your membership or use a show pass (until those are rendered extinct), but I don’t see where we can fix it through the USEF. yet..

The meetings were staged accordingly throughout the week. I was constantly wondering why the volume was up so loud in the main ballrooms for presentations (to keep us from talking to each other) and there always seemed to be a limited amount of time following each meeting open for public forum (15 minutes) or debate. This frustrated me to no end and was very calculated. I am sure they get tired of hearing us whine all the time, but too bad. Part of a good organization is to listen to the actual members. Meetings with panelists were dry and humorless, and, with the exception of the Golf Guy, I fought to stay awake. (Watch the Power of Media and Membership Part I starting at minute 13) I would recommend a voice coach to come in and teach everyone to move away from a monotone delivery when on stage, I mean seriously, we are freezing to death in these seats, at least make us laugh to keep us a little warmer. One thing the Golf Guy mentioned I found curious, the PGA Tour owns USA Golf…


From the PGA Tour, talented and engaging guest speaker Preston McClellan.

I really, really wanted to see the Endurance committee meeting, but even after their first three hours of closed door discussion, they refused to allow us in for the last hour, so I have NO idea how endurance competition is being discussed and am really disappointed.

I did see a little of the old adage ‘they do what they want anyway’ occurring… I feel for people who have worked hard on both sides of the new Licensing Officials Plan. In order to simplify the process for licensing officials, a new plan has been in the works all year. Most people were ok with the overhaul until the issue of confidentiality arose. From now on, there will no longer be confidential evaluations offered to those who learner judge along side an ‘R’ judge. I didn’t see anyone stand up for these opposing voices at the USEF meeting. Maybe it was voiced behind closed doors. No idea. This may or may not change the dynamics of learner judging but we won’t see the repercussions for quite some time. For years, the confidential evaluation forms allowed the person filling them out to give an honest assessment of whether or not he/she felt the learner judge was capable of earning a license. In a world of unstable people, will knowing what your mentor said about you cause you to be offended and retaliate? Hope not, but like I said, the world is full of unstable people.

Many sessions are available online. They are using their own resources to do what you have demanded, so I urge you to go watch a few sessions and educate yourself. Maybe you will come out with a different perspective than me. Maybe you will have better ideas than me. Maybe you will see a solution where I could not, and be willing to stick your neck out for what you truly believe in. Maybe next year Murray won’t have to say ‘you don’t understand’ in as many places in his speech.


Run… The 2018 USHJA Annual Meeting


It was with great reluctance I chose to attend this years 2018 USHJA Annual Meeting in Tampa. I was so reluctant, I didn’t buy plane tickets, because even at the last minute I had to force myself to go. Leading up to it, I told everyone I was dreading it this year, the long days, long week, and incessant vocabulary lessons….. which words will 88% of the horse crazy population understand? What order to put them in? And how can we make this rule slightly less vague than a Sumo wrestler on the 4th of July? gahhhhh.

Even worse, a couple of months ago I took a really hard blow when Tom Brennan (on the USHJA BOD) called me early one morning to tell me he was stepping back from all duties within the USHJA to focus on his business and family. I was speechless. I had already declined my own invitation to the BOD (still not even sure who put my name up), and tried to process what he was saying to me, as I stood in a field and watched as water spilled over the lip of a trough I had been filling and run off into the pasture. I just let it run. I eventually found a voice to say “no, no you can’t leave, that’s not funny, you are WAY too needed, this is what you have been excelling at for the last few years, your attention to detail is sick, and the reason I took an interest in the first place! I have totally depended on your guidance….” (not that it should be about me) but he cut the call short, wished me luck, reminded me to read the by-laws if I was ever going to be serious about governance and hung up. I stared at my phone, stared at the overflowing trough, sighed, and walked over to turn the water off… I will never forget that morning. I felt ill.


Tom Brennan might be the best analysist we have

I was so busy this fall, I basically squeezed a year’s worth of travel in the last three months before Christmas, and honestly, rule change proposals were so far from my mind after they originally came out, I was hoping my brain would deflate just long enough to allow some of that crap to sift back in and remind me what we were supposed to be talking about.

Instead of flying, I used the long drive to Florida to clear my mind of Russians and horse dealers, and instead concentrate on Zone specs and educational programs.

Sunday afternoon, hardly remembering how I got there, and following wicked rains and tornado warnings, I found myself walking through the doors of the Hilton hotel in downtown Tampa.

Our swag at registration included a giant orange beach bag filled with brochures, a few treasured pens, a calendar, instructions to download the meeting app, and sticky notes. Super, more sticky notes.

Zone education was up first, where we were listening to various Zone stories from around the country, complaints, more complaints, meanwhile being encouraged to give ideas to improve communication so more people understand who we are, what we do, etc, etc. People wanted shows to post signs which pointed out which exhibitors were there who were also Zone committee members. I rolled my eyes.

Shit, I thought, I am only here one hour and my eyes! my eyes!

Look, we have two early responsibilities as competing exhibitors. The first one (after you figure out which Zone you actually live in) is to properly identify your Zone Committee members. The second one is, IF you are a Zone Committee member, you need to broadcast that shit all over the place until people start to recognize you. Do NOT sit around and expect the shows or the USHJA to do your job. You signed up, and yes it is a sucky job sometimes, but please, for the love of all things poopy, I do NOT want to sit through one more meeting and listen to people who have NEVER even mentioned on Facebook that they are a Zone Committee member. Everyone has to get to the meeting each year, it is not a position you use on your resume and then do nothing, you have to work, create avenues for change, and organize Zone crap, which I love to do (don’t get me wrong), you have to be strong willed when you don’t want to be, and not let the chair person intimidate and bully you (which can happen, trust me) and you have to smile whenever an exhibitor mistakes you for a steward, and help them solve whatever it is they need solving. (YES, I am capable of smiling) THEN, you have to sort through materials for phone calls, and try to remember which rules apply to which organization. No one is perfect, I get that, but next year at the Zone Committee meeting I want to hear ALL about the cool shit, not the boring stuff, to get my week in gear. No offense.

By the way, I am currently a ZONE 3 COMMITTEE MEMBER. HI! HOW ARE YOU! bless you.

More instruction was given to us on how to ‘go after’ affiliate organizations. This frustrated me because I personally think we should leave state and affiliate show organizations alone, at least until the image of the USHJA improves. A lot. The local affiliates are local and and cheap for a reason. Swooning local state organizations with promises of grant money for their banquets might work in some areas, but certainly not in mine. I am aware of the movement to encourage the strength of the lower end of the pyramid, but there are other ways. Offering a 2’6” height in our Thoroughbred division for one… maybe.

I met up with Brooke Kemper and Kimmy Risser following the first intro meeting, and we gathered our giant orange bags and luggage, and headed off to our apartment a few minutes from the hotel. Thank the Lord for AirBNB. Just recently Brooke had been nominated for the BOD, Kimmy was on the Hunter Breeding Committee, and we mused about governance in our busy lives and how it was so tricky and time consuming, but at least we were all together. I wondered if Tom would be there and tried to remember the last time we spoke. He had called me a few hours after I landed from Russia to hear about my trip, but mostly I think he was just making sure I hadn’t been kidnapped or mugged (the latter not uncommon with me) and I had asked if we would see each other in Tampa for the meeting, but he hadn’t decided then, so, trying not to sound disappointed, we wished each other a good holiday just in case. I never had time to follow up so it was anyone’s guess if he would arrive in Florida.


MONDAY. 7:30 am…The big yellow book. Now, there weren’t too many controversial issues this year, as in years past, so there were only three or four topics I had any feeling for, but the point of these meetings is to offer perspectives and remind the room in general to make sure everyone is comfortable with the language of each proposal so we aren’t going back and making modifications when we didn’t get the language right the first time.

Sounds fun, no?


I think I first questioned the cell phone rule, and reminded people ring staff calls us to tell us how many trips before we show…which led to a flurry of discussion. This does not mean I am for or against, by the way, before you lynch me, I just like to see both sides.


Brooke brings questions to the table.

I am not a fan of the Regional I and Regional II shows needing a certified Course Designer, but luckily someone else was at the microphone before I could stand up, so I let her have the floor. She shared my view.

Reversing nomenclature for Pre Greens/Green Hunter brought some passionate responses. Points were made about the length of time for people to get used to the change and also losing Kimmy’s new favorite word, (lol, jk)  “Tradition”.

A horse welfare rule was being introduced to the Equitation section –  again murmurs on language; pony/horse shoe pulling was dismissed without discussion, having already been clearly disapproved from all committees, as was the bridle rule (Melanie Ferrio-Wise may carry on riding bridleless), no draw reins, martingales permitted in age restricted classes, so on and so forth. Then we get to the color of the coat….

I am gonna save more for later, because there is more for later, but the initial reaction of the room was priceless. So. Many. Groans. I did not stand up. I sat in my seat and watched closely as people grappled with how to deal with the one thing no one wanted to deal with. The damn color of a coat. I think everyone aged five years in that moment. When this current rule went into effect years ago, it was to offer clarification on what would be allowed to show riders with what was available at that time, when apparently loads of people were wearing plaid and pinstripes, linen and so forth, and someone finally had enough and was like, hey! we need a rule.

Several decades later, we apparently have hit an impasse. After what seemed like a gross amount of time, we were reminded the committees would have a chance to address this later, Kimmy told me this was all my fault (again), and moved on to more important topics like Amateur Owners versus Amateurs, Competition standards (UGHHHH),  Measurement surfaces (no plywood please and thank you), Ambulances, paramedics, and a myriad of other topics to be discussed throughout the week. The debriefing took several hours but we got through it. Yay.

In the afternoon I attended the Young Hunter Round Table with Kimmy and we enthusiastically contributed our ideas on how to make it work better for our members. I was happy to see Tom Brennan at the table for the discussion, along with Geoff Teall. Kimmy and I were, honestly, both a bit surprised there was even a question as to why the Young Hunter division has not taken off on the East Coast compared to California, and tried not to be too snarky (me, I mean, I am the only snarky one) as we pointed out some MAJOR flaws for what is happening here. No prize money, no finals, no reduced entry fee, not too many shows even offering it, (hello Harrisburg for a final?) no conformation consideration, needed height modification, etc. etc. etc. In her brilliance, Kimmy suggested adding a Young Hunter Championship or Finals (or whatever) to the Sallie B. Wheeler Finals.  We patted ourselves on the backs and moved on.

image4 (2)

Round table questions

Later that evening, we hit the bar for a glass of wine before moving on to the welcome party, we attempted to mingle (sort of), and I made myself known to David Distler, because I had never done so before, and mentioned I would be on yet another committee for Zone 3 Finals. He was very courteous, but probably wishing someone would come save him. We chatted with a few of the USHJA employees, because at this point we had worked with these girls a LOT, and it was fun to see them off the clock, and catch up on their lives. I always make a point to give the girls who work in the office a lot of credit for putting up with us, horse people are nuts, and they deal with people with grievances on a regular basis, so it is nice when you can take a moment and let them know how much we appreciate the work.

TUESDAY. 7:30 am. State of the Union. Mary Babick. Pretty much full house. The three of us sat up front and were joined by Terry Young from Virginia, whom I have grown to really appreciate her dedication. She asks really good questions, and puts a lot of thought into what is happening. We watched a slide presentation and videos of the success of the USHJA and the programs offered through the organization…. EAP, HQC, TCP, Jumper stuff, team stuff, pie charts, graphs, statistics, more graphs, more statistics. Oh wait, another graph. Occasionally, I played solitaire on my kindle. I thought about stuff…..

The presentation finally ended and Mary opened up the floor for a Town Hall. I looked behind me at the couple hundred people in the room. many of them looked at me. Geesh. I stood up for my first question…. I asked her to go back to the pie chart and point out where the money from the Foundation was included and which slice of pie was designated to include it. I think she said Competitive Programs, since money coming through the Foundation was targeted for these programs. hmm, ok. She brought up the Gochman grant which is specifically for Pony Finals so I asked if Pony Finals was a USEF Championship, not a USHJA program and she said yes. So the Gochman Grant comes through the USHJA Foundation, but goes to a USEF event. Seems weird to me, but maybe it makes sense to someone else. I don’t even know and I am not sure if I care, but something in my head triggered the question, so I asked. I sat down and felt a tap on my shoulder.


I am pretty sure this was John Bahret’s exact expression when I was at the microphone.

I turned around to John Bahret, seated behind me who offered to clarify my questions later. Good idea, I thought, and said “I would love that.”

A couple of people asked various questions, but nothing dramatic, just clarifying parts of the presentation and what not.  Pretty soon there were crickets. Why is everyone so QUIET?? Isn’t this a Town Hall? I was expecting a line at the microphone. There is usually a line. When did we all become so content? I must have missed something, I don’t know.


I stood up again.

Every time I stand up I start sweating, the room always feels hot, and I feel like a dork. I do it anyway, but it never gets easier. I hate it. I hate people looking at me, I hate how my voice sounds, I am sure my hair is a mess, and despite the last couple of years of practice, it does not get any easier for me. I know there are several haters in the room, obviously, (most likely from HITS) but this a chance to have the conversation. Not in the halls, not in the car, on the phone, not in the bathroom. This is it. I feel like there is one recent development which I really, really was hoping someone else would bring to the microphone….

In the last week or two, there has been wild activity on the internet concerning about five or six breeds and disciplines looking to their relationship with USEF. Another blogger has produced several articles criticizing the USOC, Safe Sport, among other things and seems keen on a possible separation from the Federation. The Arabian Horse Association is starting to study the relationship with USEF and consider options, which they probably can’t help. When your members decide to ignore sanctioned showing, refuse to renew their dues and seek shows locally, you kind of can’t operate. There are far less Arabian exhibitors than Hunter/Jumper exhibitors, so a mass exodus is a very good reason for concern. So, I asked. How does it affect us if half a dozen other breed disciplines leave USEF? What do we tell our membership? Will are dues be affected with the financial loss of that many people? If the USHJA is so connected with USEF, then we should have a right to understand the activity and expect our leadership to get ahead of this curve and offer some guidance, so when we ask our customers to sign up each year, they don’t pester us with WHY CANT WE LEAVE USEF, TOO?? Mary answered, but seemed to steer the answer back to Safe Sport and the value of the SS in our lives, but that didn’t please me, (naturally), so I said please answer the first question, to which she looked for Glenn Petty to step up to the microphone. Bill Moroney was right behind him. Glenn assured us it was ONLY a preliminary study to determine the relationship with the two organizations, which would be complete in August of 2019. And Bill Moroney said to not believe everything you read on the internet…..



The first of the smaller meetings.

Scheduling is a bitch. You are constantly trying to be in two or five places at once. You get a few minutes in one room, but have to leave to catch another meeting down the hall. The basic yellow book of proposals was furiously being discussed everywhere, but also each educational program had a meeting to discuss improvements. Like the TCP. On one of the crazy charts in the SOTU address, it was pointed out of the 7500 professionals listed in USHJA, only 500 had attempted to finish their TCP training. That program has never sat well with me. I hardly teach anymore, so I am expected to be certified to show horses instead? I show just fine, I don’t really need a certification for showing horses, and now that ‘mandatory’ is being intensely thrown around I am imagining being certified equally with anyone who gives himself an alias of a superhero or ties their horse up in a stall without water for 6 hours just so an adult lady can jump the cross rail division? I didn’t make any new friends in that meeting, and look, I am not opposed to certification, but not through a show association. It needs to be through Pony Club. Especially with teaching. Have the TCP go through Pony Club and as both organizations. For pete’s sake.

Competition Management meeting had forty five thousand pages of rewrites to review. Skip. I walk into a Young Jumper task Force and was the only one in the room besides a few people at the table. They were musing how to adopt Andrew Philbrick’s Hunter Farms format for Young Jumpers. Good idea, that should work, Next. Break. Candy. Walk around the building twice. Competition Standards again. Okkkkkkkkk already.  My brain was imploding. The maroon coat was still on the table looking for a solution. Time was running out, still no solution. I racked my brain, trying to think of ways to rewrite the language, but nothing was coming up….yet.

We broke up for dinner, Kimmy scowled at us because Brooke and I hadn’t purchased fancy Awards dinner tickets so we were going to have to split up. But as I drove Kimmy back the hotel for the party and picked up Brooke, I pinky promised we would sneak back in for the After Party.

Just kidding, we don’t pinky promise.

But we did return for the After Party, and I forced them both to hit the dance floor with me so I wouldn’t be the only one showing off my outrageous dance moves, we dressed up in silly hats for the photo booth and begged some of the USHJA girls to come join us for some much needed stress relief. They had all been prevented from attending the banquet from their boss, which infuriated me, so Kimmy and I were super keen to get them into the After Party. It was cute, they didn’t last long, probably fear of being caught, but they put on some Santa hats and got their photos taken, then hurried away back to the coat room. Why on earth were the hardest working people in the building being prevented from having a tiny bit of fun with us? Seemed so wrong. It worries me.


Brooke, me and Kimmy at the After Party

In the last few months, there has been an alarming amount of turnover inside of the USHJA with nearly half a dozen girls quitting recently, and all I keep thinking is WHY? Why, why why? We need them so badly, they work very, very hard. One transferred to the USEF and is flourishing tremendously, even heading the licensed officials meeting where she has spent months hashing out an easier option to get more officials licensed on an easier to understand platform. Once she nails down the confidentiality crisis, she will have a very good product to bring back to us. Her passion for it is really inspiring. But is makes me very, very sad. In some dark corner of my head the one pestering thought is that damned anonymous letter. Whatever happened to the anonymous letter? Was the situation ever handled? We never heard another published word about it, but I cannot remove it from my head. Someone had to write it for a reason, otherwise, why bother? Maybe it was swept under the rug, maybe he went to some sort of employee training, but if we have to watch his picture get taken with every horse receiving an award at Derby Finals, then I want to know these girls are safe. Seems fair to me.

RETRACTION: I have been instructed by the USHJA President that this is not fact, and to offer a correction. The girls were indeed permitted to attend the party if they wanted. My apologies for the confusion. 

Wednesday. Breakfast with a headache.

Well, that’s how it goes, sometimes. The first meeting was a joint Hunter/Jumper Working group meeting, and here we reeeeeeally needed an answer on the maroon coat. We had 24 hours left. We were still looking for the RIGHT language for this rule to prevent people from being eliminated for the color of a coat, meanwhile please the ’traditionalists’, and make a tiny allowance for the coat to appear without the fear of it showing up in Derby Finals with Liza Boyd. (when pigs fly)



By this point no one gives two shits what the color is, what we REALLY need is for HALF of the COUNTRY to STOP flooding the USEF and USHJA offices with calls and hate emails about being eliminated from the show ring because a steward is really taking the rule too literally, or IS MY MAROON COAT LEGAL???? In reality, the furthest thought from most judges minds is the color of the show coat, and every single judge in attendance (INCLUDING LINDA ANDRISANI BY THE WAY) was insisting they were looking at the horse when it walked into the ring. If you are a judge and disagree, but you were not in Tampa, sorry I can’t help you. Sorry, not sorry? Unbelievably, this was harder than you think. Kelsey (from USEF) was determined to get the line of ‘you cannot be eliminated’ into the wording, but dark muted colors also needed to get in there. Every time someone named specific colors, someone else threw out an example of a different color. Holy shit, what the literal phuck.


Linda whenever we had to address the maroon coat. jk

I went for a walk and tried to tackle it myself.

The best I could come up with is a modern ‘sounding’ rule but was the closest to keeping the most people happy, in my mind. I thought it was ok, but maybe you can improve upon the language. you have until Monday to help. This is being thrown back to the National Hunter Committee for review, because it could not get resolved by Thursday…

Conventional attire following the tradition of fox hunting is encouraged and preferred with dark, muted colors. A rider may not be eliminated for choice of coat color, but the judge may penalize for distractions such as excessive adornments on helmets and coats. Shirts must have a choker or closed collar, or tie. Breeches may be buff, canary, tan, rust, or white.

As it stands after last Thursday?

The current proposed rule was passed with only a brief modification. I think they just removed parenthesis.

Attire. Riders should wear conservatively colored black, blue, green, grey, or brown coats which are free from adornment which in the judge’s opinion is overly distracting. Shirts must have a choker, similar collar or tie. Breeches may be buff, canary, tan rust, or white.

Now you see where all the brain cells went.

Next meeting, next meeting, next meeting. I was frustrated with overlaps of important ones and I was missing some areas I wanted to hear. I also started noticing fewer committee representatives at the tables. Some had one chairperson, and one other member, maybe two. Some never met a quorum to vote on stuff. hmm. I darted around, trying to absorb as much as I could but it was really a lot of information. I spoke up on things I had no idea about but asked anyway based on logistics. Charlotte Skinner-Robson offered to hug me in the halls when I questioned the logistics of the FEI Course Designer rule and felt it was discriminatory against foreigners, and by the way Americans are never asked to maintain multiple licenses when working in Canada, Mexico, or Europe, so wtf dude? Welp, I might have lost a friend in Steve Stephens today, but yeah, well, it needed to be asked, so I did. The day continued like that, and it was exhausting.  I am passionate abut the child/adult hunter team championships, but the program is on the chopping block because it cannot take off like the jumper champs, and the few suggestions I had seemed to fall flat. I hope not, they were good suggestions, and this is one of the few programs I happily endorse. The pony task force met with two committee members, again, couldn’t meet a quorum so they held a round table discussion. I asked (for a friend) why it was not possible for a professional to show them one day during the week but subsequently only allow the pony to show in the green ponies that weekend, not the regular division, since every other junior/amateur division allowed professional riders to show beforehand during the week except green ponies and was met with a barrage of exclamations, good and bad. This is actually a very concerning issue, when there are very, very few pro pony riders available, but maybe for another day.

We each have our own need with the programs in the USHJA. The hardest barrier is the size of this country. The models have to work from Maine to Alaska and Hawaii to Florida. Instead, the reality is each part of the country has a different dichotomy and piecing it all together is welll…. hard.

I was darting back and forth when I heard my name called. It was John Bahret from the first morning wanting to know if I still wanted to talk about the Foundation. Of course I did! It turns out he is the treasurer for the Foundation until this week, then he transfers his duties to treasurer of the USHJA, hence resigning from the Foundation so no one sees him as having a conflict of interest. Got it. He assured me the Foundation was up and running again, they had wisely decided to lie low for a year following the dramatic resignation of nearly the entire board over a major discrepancy of the by-laws, but were organized, happy and healthy and looking into the future… that word again. What is with the by-laws lately? A post resignation interview regarding the by-laws immediately came to mind, but I pushed it back for a few minutes so I could think.

This would be my third attempt to sell my idea to a Foundation board member and my last attempt for sure. The first two failed, I think, but I wasn’t ready to give up.

A few months ago a braider in Texas, Cat Wolstenholme was severely injured when a horse she was braiding swiped at a fly, caught his halter on her ladder and flipped her over, breaking her leg. She had little or inadequate insurance, and was forced to start a Go Fund me account which eventually found its way to my inbox, so I reached out to her to apply for a grant from the Foundation.

But it got me thinking, what are we doing for all the braiders, grooms and farriers with little options on insurance, and are not members of the USHJA or USEF, but help us every day? Could they not be a member of the Foundation instead, for like $35 a year or something and if they got hurt, be able to apply for some financial aid? There is no braider’s or groom’s union, so maybe we could hash it out and come up with options.

I have to say John relished the idea and made me feel very comfortable talking about it. He went to great lengths to inform me of the layout of the Foundation, it’s relationship with USHJA, along with everything else, and we tossed around ideas on how to make something like this available for the future. I couldn’t believe it. He was amazing, genuine, and forthcoming, and I was truly impressed with the time he took to give me a chance, which very, very few people had displayed before. It was the first time I was seeing just a little tiny spark of hope.

I wasn’t sure what to think after that meeting, but I was definitely in a lighter mood already.

The final meeting for me was the Sport Integrity Task Force meeting which drew a small but curious crowd. I noticed Tom was a bit late to the meeting, not unusual, but out of the corner of my eye, thought maybe he was hanging by the door, unsure where to go for a few minutes longer than normal. He eventually took a seat at the table. He looked really tired. I remember Mary announcing a couple of years ago this committee and at the time, she and Tom Brennan were the only two members. I distinctly remember not receiving an invitation, but also thought maybe I was being arrogant.


Cricket Stone Morris

Eventually she recruited a few key people, including Cricket Stone Morris, who has really flourished in this area. She has done a TON of research from all over the world, and come up with a workbook which may work on the future of sport. My hand raised for the final time that week to suggest paying more attention to young people receiving sportsmanship awards across the country and maybe it will be useful to connect their ideals of Sport Integrity to Sportsmanship, especially with young people. Honestly, I don’t know where that came from, but Tom immediately raised an eyebrow, looked at me, and said you are on to something there. We carried on for a few minutes with that idea and the room came up with some other ideas how to connect it all. The conversation drifted a bit to judging somehow, and before long Sissy Wickes and Tom were sharing funny stories about judging fails, and we were all giggling about everything from bathroom breaks to exhibitors winning a blue ribbon but still wanting to ask the judge why they won a blue ribbon, to discussing the New England Equitation Championships. It was unbelievable. And Mary was at the head of the table as the Chairperson.

Thursday. The Drive Home. The Board Meeting..

I just couldn’t stay any longer. Things were falling apart at home, I had horses to ride, appointments, and I was seriously bummed to leave but I had to. Thursday is the final board meeting for the Directors, and the last chance for submitting the proposals to the USEF for approval. This year there was no further discussion allowed past Thursday since the USEF annual meeting is held earlier this year in West Palm beach in just a couple of weeks. Starting Monday the USEF committees would be reviewing all this week’s revisions.

I wished Brooke and Kimmy luck the night before and was awake and driving before they woke up, slowly processing what happened during the week while staring at white lines on the dark road.

It took me a few hours before I started thinking something was really weird about this week. I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but something wasn’t adding up.

Why did it seem so different?

Why were there so many committees unable to conduct business?

Was it intentional? The meeting was held in Florida, Tampa is really a good place to have a meeting for horse people, and many people who left before their meetings… were in Florida…

What am I missing?

I drove on.

My phone buzzed to tell me the nomenclature on the Greens didn’t pass. Fuck. My first thought was Tom was going to be so disappointed with that. He really had hopes of restoring the original names and had the entire room agreeing the day before by describing branding processes, and this is one area which he strongly felt a should not be modernized. Damn it, what changed overnight?

I thought about that. What changed overnight? What did I miss?

Phone buzzed again. Coat rule was not reworded. Fuck. Square One.

Ban of cell phone use in schooling areas passed. Good. Now everyone will buy an Apple Watch and be flipping their wrist over every five seconds.

I drove on.

Kimmy finally called me at then end of the meeting and seemed a little breathless. Alarm bells started going off.

Apparently departing BOD member Shelley Campf had dropped a bomb at the end of the meeting and had made an eerily creepy demand for the first order of business to the incoming board to investigate the real reason Tom Brennan was left off of the ballot for the 2018 BOD.

Wait, WHAT??

I actually had to pull over.

Fuck me, nothing was adding up. My head was spinning too fast. No wait, actually lot’s of things are adding up. My mind flew back to to the Foundation by-laws when everyone on the board resigned except one person.

My mind also flew back to Tom’s warning of reading the by-laws.

I hung up and pulled back on the highway, more determined to get home and pull out the by-laws of both organizations.

If Tom was really not pulling back from governance because of time, like he told me, that must mean it was something else. But what? A forced resignation? What on earth for?? I have known this man a very long time. I was at his wedding. When I broke my leg in Gulfport and was carted off on a stretcher, he packed up all my shit for me. When I ask the dumbest questions you can imagine about governance, he patiently explains every single angle so I never get confused again. He is one of the most respected judges in the country. He also is not easily influenced, which at times has made him a threat to others.

Something was really wrong.

A threat. Wait a second. The only reason you wouldn’t fight to have this man on your team is if he posed a threat to your position……

Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. My mind went straight to where it really shouldn’t have.

Without Cause.

My dad taught me about his law of re-occurring frequencies. It’s kind of his way of saying he doesn’t believe in coincidences. And I am my fathers child through and through.

Remember when the Plaid Horse interviewed Mary Babick following the disintegration of the BOD on the Foundation? I do.

Sooooo many things stick out from that article.

Why would she say ‘There should be no gun trained on Kevin Price” ? Why does his name come up again? Why is she protecting him of all people? I mean, if I were president, I would seriously be looking for a resignation from him as top priority. Wait, is that it?

I pulled out the Foundation by-laws and found what I think, though I am not sure, the original and then corrected parts.

Screen Shot 2018-12-15 at 7.53.56 AM

Original language?

Screen Shot 2018-12-15 at 7.54.56 AM

New language?

I started there, but something told me I wasn’t on the right path. Then the article about the meeting came out, and at the very end was a VERY weird and flimsy explanation regarding the nominating procedure.

image1 (1)

Wait, WHAT?

Cripes,  was I looking in the wrong place?

So, all I could find about the nominating committee was that Tom was on it and had to resign when he submitted his name. It says immediately, but what does that mean exactly? There is no specific time frame, like immediately as in rush to the hospital? Or like immediately, where like over four years then ten days would seem immediate to me. Dang, the Sumo wrestler has returned on the Fourth of July.

Screen Shot 2018-12-15 at 8.30.26 AM

So, what exactly is up with these modifications from November 19th of 2018? That was only a couple of weeks ago. Something isn’t adding up, Here is the link.

I smell a rat.

Why would Shelley Campf be so insistent? I cannot wait for the video of the meeting to be published. I expect it will attract quite a few views.

Why do I have so many questions??

WHY did I leave the meeting?

I am still not sure where to look, what to do, or what to think. It is going to take me forever to pick apart by-laws because let’s face it. I am only so bright. I wasn’t trained for this and the ironic thing is – very few horse people are. We ride horses, show horses, clean up after horses. Who has time for all of the rest? I seriously hope I can find an answer, or if I can’t, maybe someone else can. Maybe you can. I now realize I was dependent on my faith in the leadership, but honestly, my faith is severely shaken right now.